Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
