I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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