I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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