did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
