i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
