That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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