Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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