dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
