remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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