My first STD was from a foam party
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
