It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
