Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
