8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
