I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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