We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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