I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
As shirtless as possible
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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