you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Barsexuality is the new black.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize