i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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