I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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