wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
