i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
