Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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