i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
