she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
