i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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