You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
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I need you to use more vowels.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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