its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
