I wanna passion pit in your ass
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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