If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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