Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
