there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
