just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
