I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
