I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
