Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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