omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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