we have officially lost it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
