i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
