I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
