"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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