we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
