OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
