What a fucking waste of an outfit
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
