Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
