Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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