Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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