i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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