I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
