if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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