Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
