I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
