Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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