Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Of course I have a pirate flag
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
