cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
