grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
