so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
