I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
