marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
