Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
