Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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