She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
