Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
