I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
