Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
