I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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