I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
All I want is dick and wine.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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