Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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