i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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