she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
