Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
