i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
