I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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