You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
