Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
