We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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