This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
