that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
