Having a random hookup so left but love u
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
