I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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