Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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