You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
