i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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