Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We need a shit load of segways right now
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
