remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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