the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
