Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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