we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
