What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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