READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
zippers are such a cool invention
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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