I've blown a few things in my day
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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