so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
