Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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