Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize