Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?

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(301): View more from Maryland

I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids

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(214): View more from Texas

Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?

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(314): View more from Missouri

He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?

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(970): View more from Colorado

Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.

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(970): View more from Colorado

He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead

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