i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
