Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
